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  • There’s a brief silence. A rustle of papers. Then the gurney starts moving again. Whoever has taken over has incredibly quiet feet. Or just really forgiving footwear. 

    The gurney, with no such footwear, makes a […]

    • Wow. A lot going on here. You definitely amped up the tension but lost me a little near the end with the different ANA’s as I was not always sure who was speaking. However I do like how this moved on and all the details in the examining room, I wonder if coloured pens would be hi-tech enough for use in this environment? But understand you used this as a tool to move the story along. There are many moving parts to this fascinating tale and you ended on another great cliff hanger. I look forward to the next one. Well done!

      • Hi Catherine, thank you for your feedback and taking the time to read! They were all good points – I need to figure out how to identify the different ANA’s more obviously, since (I’m going to bet) there will be others we’ll meet in future stories. Thank you so so much for following the story!

    • I thought this was an interesting part of the story. A scene that’s all in Ana’s mind. I myself did not have trouble following which Ana was talking, but I can see how someone might get confused. Looking forward to seeing what happens next!

      • Hi Renee, I’m happy that you could figure out between the ANAs, but yes, I agree, I’ll need to work on making that clearer. Also, I saw that you friend requested me a little bit ago but I can’t find the request in the system anymore. I think it’s because of Mia cleaning up the system recently. Anyway, I’ve friended you instead, hope it goes through! Thank you for reading and for your feedback!

    • Tense and action-packed as always, even if it’s all a dream. I’m looking forward to the 300 hundred words escape scene. You already brought in some red lips, it won’t be an issue for you, I bet. Now I’m sure you looked into the future and read all the prompts of 2020, years ago, so you had a lot of time to plan ahead the whole series. 😀

      • Haha, your comment is very nice and oh, if only I had a time machine 😉 Yes, 300 words for an escape scene is tricky… you’ll see what I did with it soon! Hope I don’t disappoint you. Thank you for continuing to follow along Zoltan!

  • Gahh what a wonderful comment to get! Thank you so much for reading Zoltan!

  • Alas, I was worried it was more “tell” than show. Oh well, always room for improvement. Thank you for taking the time to read and give helpful feedback!

  • Thank you for the feedback Jennifer! I’m working on my dialogue and your comment is very helpful. And yes, I realize I’ve veered a bit into info dump territory… I’ll work on it. 🙂

  • Oooh, yes, it’s fun to play ‘what-if’, right? Thank you Julius!

  • Thank you Dannie!

  • Ahhhh, what a fantastic review! Thank you so much for reading! And yes, I’m trying to keep it so that it could be read as stand-alone but it’s getting trickier the further I get into the story. Maybe I can cleverly add in the backstory somewhere in the next piece? Hmmm…

  • Oh wow – I was expecting something else with this title but since it’s part of longer story, I can somewhat guess where you (hopefully) will direct the story. Anyway, this was beautifully done – the characters are so real! I was feeling Clover’s despair and getting angry at Andrew for his selfishness. Great story, I hope things turn around for…[Read more]

  • This was such a cute story! I could really picture the voices of both the characters – you gave them such great personalities for a story like this. Thanks for sharing it!

  • I loved the feeling of adventure you threaded throughout the piece. I’m curious to learn more about their backstory and what will happen next! I understand it might be the fantasy genre, but having a lot of characters at the beginning of story is always a little tough for me, since it’s hard to keep them straight without getting to know anyone…[Read more]

  • So I was expecting the Hero’s search be related to some quest for an artifact, damsel, etc. I liked how it was the Hero that was trying to save himself (in a way). Just a note – be careful of your word choices, you used “unpleasant” (in two different variations) basically back to back (“An unpleasant odor reached his nose and he grimaced at the…[Read more]

  • “Ah, sir, this ANA’s eyes are still open. Shouldn’t we be worried?”

    “Five Six, no. The freezing program is one-hundred percent effective. I bet this ANA’s just further along in her Stale Cycle than the others. […]

    • Wow! This story has really found its flow. Your previous parts have set this up nicely for big revelations and setting up for more action to follow. I think this may be the best one yet! Impressed how you managed to have two different conversations going at the same time with out confusing the reader. Looking forward to next month!

      PS. I think it may still be read as a stand alone however it is becoming more necessary to read the other parts as they add important context making the story all the richer.

      • Ahhhh, what a fantastic review! Thank you so much for reading! And yes, I’m trying to keep it so that it could be read as stand-alone but it’s getting trickier the further I get into the story. Maybe I can cleverly add in the backstory somewhere in the next piece? Hmmm…

    • I enjoyed this. It was very nice that you had characters ask questions that the readers will have and had another answer. It’s good for the story and the reader. Good luck with the rest of the story if you’re continuing through the prompts.

    • With modern technology cloning may just be a possibility. Keep going.

    • Nice story. I like the interaction between Ana and Kit, the story within the story.

      The dialog between FixSix and the lieutenant feels like an “As you know, Bob” info dump. I’d suggest trying to make it a more organic. It might work better without as many dialog tags since there are only 2 people talking. They have different voices so you can tell who’s speaking without having to be told.

      I’m interested in what happens next. Keep writing.

      • Thank you for the feedback Jennifer! I’m working on my dialogue and your comment is very helpful. And yes, I realize I’ve veered a bit into info dump territory… I’ll work on it. 🙂

    • I enjoyed reading this part of the story. It was a good, important piece of information.
      It was interesting how you brought in reasons for the characters to talk about the world and give information. I would also caution, though, to make sure and stay away from the “As you know, Bob” dialogue. It was a little too close to that.
      What other ways could the information come out without it being so dialogue heavy?
      Still, a great show of character, and makes me want to read more!

      • Alas, I was worried it was more “tell” than show. Oh well, always room for improvement. Thank you for taking the time to read and give helpful feedback!

    • Oh, yeah, cloned biorobots. I start to feel a heavy blade runner vibe here. I don’t know how much I understood from the story if I wouldn’t read the previous ones, but I’m really enjoying the series so far. Implementing ‘stale’ as a key aspect of your world amazes me because you had no idea this will the prompt after writing your last story, and it still fits perfectly.

  • Thank you for taking the time to read and comment!

  • Like one of the previous commenters, I liked how your story also spoke a little bit to our current global situation. I got a little lost with the dialogue but I managed to figure it out. The way it ends is interesting – what’s the new agenda? Someone is going to touch the crate outside, aren’t they?

  • Haha! This is hitting somewhat close to home since I’m currently fostering two kittens that want NOTHING to do with humans. They will hiss and bat at me if I come close – the story is giving me an interesting perspective on them. If your story is based on a real cat, best of luck dealing with his anger!

  • I like how you set her up as a very organized, routine-oriented person in the beginning and by the end of it she’s learned to go with the flow and pivot with the new circumstances. Nice character arc in a great short story!

  • Ah such a great, frustrating read. And I mean frustrating in a good way – you created a realistic, disappointing group of men very well. You had me at the edge of my seat wondering how she was going to respond to his offer! I really enjoyed this.

  • HI Seyi, my day is going well after reading your wonderful comment! Thank you so much for reading both stories. I’m glad you enjoyed the little diversion… now I need to figure out who the familiar voice is 🙂

  • Thank you much for taking the time to read and comment! I’m so flattered that you’re following the story since March. 🙂

  • Thank you for your thoughts! Your idea about showing the “coding” is an interesting one – I’ll definitely play around with it for her next story (probably next month’s, not sure yet!) Hope you enjoy March’s piece too!

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hanzo047

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