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  • Hi Anjum!

    I like your take on the prompt.. times we misunderstand as being harsh actually teach us a lot..
    As a reader,I would like to say that if we were shown the interaction of Major JH with his family rather than him only thinking about them,the story would have shined more..

    Overall,a good effort..👌

  • Hi Joyce!
    This is a brilliantly written story. I loved it.. specially the AI!
    I am happy that I decided to read it..
    Good job..

  • Hi Didi!
    Your story has a real smooth flow…
    Being someone who have always had a problem reaching out to people,I could relate to your protagonist on so many levels..
    Loved reading it..❤️

  • Hi Anusuya!

    For a while,I got worried that Mummyji might be dead by the time Reshma reached home since she was locked in the house and all but I am glad that wasn’t the case. 😁

    I loved that Reshma always tried to understand Mummyji instead of being rude.. and almost never said anything hateful in front of Kirti..
    Liked the way you presented…[Read more]

  • Hello Didi!
    Thank you for reading my piece!❤️
    I will definitely make adjustments to the story.. ☺️

  • Hey Amina!
    Your story was enjoyable but I felt as if you weren’t quite clear what you wanted from Sasha.
    It happens to me too , so , I stick to an advice I got from WritersWrite’s article which said that “begin with the end in mind”.. It helps me create an arc for my character.

    Overall, a good effort!
    Keep up the good work!

  • Well Joshua,it’s a very interesting read but I feel the story tried to tell too many stories in one dialogue.
    In my opinion,If the husband stopped once to show he was out of breath or the wife has reacted/commented in between his one dialogue,I would have felt very much connected to them. Or if it only told the story of two…[Read more]

  • Hello Amina!
    Thank you ! ❤️
    I am happy you liked it..☺️
    ❤️

  • Wow! Thank you Joshua for your detailed feedback! ❤️
    I always love constructive criticism..
    I will definitely work on the flow..I ,too, feel that the story needs some adjustments.
    I will try to improve it..
    Thank you once again! 🤩

  • Options by Naila

    #

    “You have misunderstood the entire concept!”
    “No,I haven’t.”
    “I am telling you these coals are gonna eat us up alive!”
    “No they won’t.” Shaista replied curtly.
    Kami clenched his teeth.
    “I […]

    • Naila, great work! As an artist I believe the best way to grow is by constructive critique. Only by good honest pain will we grow in our crafts. Your situation is unique in that English is not your first language. I like to give my friends 2 things: one thing I think that worked well and one thing I think that can use improvement.

      Improvement – while I found the story to be enjoyable to read, I would improve on the flow of the story. I felt like I could almost experience the goth and working at flow could take that a little further. You have something here that gave me something visual without even describing all that much. That was great, but I think you should chip away at this story, work at some of the rough edges, and submit it for more input from the community.

      What worked – With that I must say I found your story to be very positive and uplifting. It’s nice to read a story about a community that bands together and looks out for each other. There was good humor too. I would love to read another draft if you decide to make one. Thank you so much for this story!

      • Wow! Thank you Joshua for your detailed feedback! ❤️
        I always love constructive criticism..
        I will definitely work on the flow..I ,too, feel that the story needs some adjustments.
        I will try to improve it..
        Thank you once again! 🤩

    • Hi Naila,

      I like your story and dialogues (which are I believe always hard one), especially when people were chatting and doing guesswork. English is not my first language too, and I know how challenging it can feel to convey your message. Keep up your work.

    • Hi Naila, I enjoyed the take on the story, the dialogues too were lively and helped imagining people and places. You managed to give a sense of the place without too many descriptions. As to improvement, maybe you could edit some bits of the story, but good work!

      • Hello Didi!
        Thank you for reading my piece!❤️
        I will definitely make adjustments to the story.. ☺️

  • nelia commented on the post, A Sin by Naila 3 months ago

    Hi Anusuya! Thank you for liking this story..❤️
    I was talking about Haya in both cases. Haya watched Vengas go. And Haya’s thoughts were interrupted..
    I will be careful next time.. 😅
    Best wishes for you too! ❤️🤩

  • nelia commented on the post, A Sin by Naila 3 months ago

    Thanks ☺️

  • nelia commented on the post, A Sin by Naila 3 months, 1 week ago

    Thank you!
    I am happy you liked it! ❤️☺️

  • nelia commented on the post, A Sin by Naila 3 months, 1 week ago

    😅 Thanks.. ☺️

  • nelia commented on the post, A Sin by Naila 3 months, 1 week ago

    Thank you ! 😊
    I liked your advice on my last piece that’s why I wanted your feedback this time.
    Sorry if you felt forced to read!
    😬 😷

  • If lipsticks could talk! 😂 I loved purple’s rant!
    I think it’s the same for everyone who doesn’t fit in the crowd..
    A very enjoyable read! 👌

    PS: Please read my prompt.. 🙈 I would love some feedback..

  • It’s a well crafted piece..
    Terrified of the child but also curious.. why does it has to be her? Does she have some kind of power?
    Terrifying but captivating..
    Loved it! ❤️

  • Hi!
    I love the everyday characters of your story.. Fatherly love is shown beautifully.. We don’t know how many times their eyes may have teared up for us!
    Good job!❤️

  • I wasn’t expecting it to be nothing but an envelope but the red lipstick sure turned around the feel of your story..
    Will there be a sequel? 😁

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nelia

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@nelia

active 2 months, 1 week ago
Short Story Points balance: 0
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