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  • We Think We Know by Riana N

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    How easily we think we know

    what sets apart parade from plough.

    The key that locks the door for one

    can turn to set some free to run.

    Behind steel bars, with years to pay,

    we […]

    • Jane replied 2 months ago

      Hi Riana, a well thought out poem. Judgement is such a part of human existence and one we are all guilty of. It is interesting to think that freedom can be linked to what others think of you.
      Food for thought indeed:) Well done.

  • Haley’s Model by Riana N

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    It had been a long week, even on teenage standards. Our parents were at yet another work function. Haley and I were spread out across the living room, drowning our cares in Friday […]

    • I loved your story, Riana. I love reading about siblings who are there for each other. You characters are well done. I have to admit, I didn’t catch that the MC was male until you wrote “…I happily stared at my biltong, feeling like a man.” Just an observation. It didn’t detract from the story at all for me.

      What a unique take on the misunderstood prompt! Well done.

    • A positive story of sibling support instead of friction. The dialog between teen characters felt real and not forced. That’s hard to get right.

      I have to say the nose hair detail was a surprise, especially since you mentioned it twice. I found it distracting and pulled me out of the story for a moment. Once is enough.

      Good overall pacing, but the middle slowed. You may want to tweak that some.

      I live in California so I have no idea what biltong is. I hope it’s something fabulous.

      Great job!

    • It was a good story between brothers.

    • Very enjoyable read! I thought it was about sisters until the narrator mentioned feeling like a man, despite the nose hair references! There is a bit of mystery about the family situation and why the siblings are alone so much, but it makes for an interesting parallel with the celebrity siblings. Clever use of the prompt.

    • I like the positive spin on a word that usually has a negative connotation. Using the word as a literal tattoo and then tying it to a sort of coming-of-age story was creative and effective. As my brother has Type 1 Diabetes, I found the story relatable, too.

      As another commenter mentioned, “biltong” is something those in the US are usually unfamiliar with (I had to look it up), but that’s not a weakness in the story. It adds to specificity to a story that could be set in nearly any country. As with that reader, though, I also missed other clues that the narrator was male. While reading, I had envisioned two sisters talking.

      Very enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing.

    • Wow. This is very smooth writing. I was sucked in by your teaser about the salad bible…HUH? I was not disappointed.

      Great writing. Loved the ‘mouthful of fizz’ and what a wake up for people who are teaching someone else – “stop being so smart, it makes me feel stupid!” .

      No suggestions. Just praise. Very wonderful piece! Thank you.

    • I forgot to mention that I like discovering new words and I had to look up biltong! In my neck of the world we call it jerky.

  • Dear Maruschka, thank you so much for your kind feedback! 🙂 I really appreciate you taking the time to read! 🙂

  • Thank you Maruschka, appreciate the read and comment. 🙂

  • Thank you Maruschka, I appreciate your reading and feedback. 🙂

  • Dear Marilyn. Thank you so much for reading and giving feedback.
    Honestly, I have no idea how that paragraph ended up being repeated, as it is not in my original document, so it must have been due to pasting things during after-midnight hours with tired eyes. So, completely unintentional!
    😀

  • Dear Marilyn. Thank you so much for reading and giving feedback.
    Honestly, I have no idea how that paragraph ended up being repeated, as it is not in my original document, so it must have been due to pasting things during after-midnight hours with tired eyes. So, completely unintentional!
    😀

  • Dear Debbie, thank you so much, your feedback is really encouraging, I am happy you enjoyed it! I appreciate you reading. 🙂

  • Dear Thia, thank you so much for reading. Yes, synaesthesia is a very fascinating neurological condition, I don’t think I quite did justice to it here! I really appreciate your kind feedback! 🙂

  • Dear Karisa, thank you so much for taking the time to read and giving such helpful feedback. I will definitely think about your advice about being descriptive!
    🙂

  • Dear Dionne, thank you so much for your feedback, I appreciate you reading! 🙂

  • Thank you so much for your kind feedback! I haven’t watched that movie – I will definitely do so sometime!
    Yes, who can’t love kittens? 😀
    I really appreciate you taking the time to read! 🙂

  • Dear Harvey, thank you so much for your feedback, I appreciate it. Especially your feedback on the tenses is helpful, as it is one of the things I know I need to work on (English is my second language, so I can’t always tell what feels “natural!”). I also understand what you mean with the “showing not telling,” aspect.
    Thank you again for taking…[Read more]

  • Thank you very much for your lovely and kind feedback, it is really encouraging! I really appreciate that and you taking the time to read. 🙂

  • Dear Debbie, thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, research can be really overwhelming at times, but it is a sign that we are learning. Please do not give up on your research! 😉
    I appreciate you reading! 🙂

  • Dear Christian, thank you, I appreciate you reading and your kind feedback! 🙂

  • Dear Thia, thank you, I am glad I managed to convey the emotion I intended to. I appreciate you reading! 🙂

  • Dear Trace, I appreciate your kind feedback, thank you for reading! 🙂

  • Thank you so much for reading and giving such kind feedback, appreciate it! 🙂

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Riana N

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@riana-n

active 2 months ago
Short Story Points balance: 0
Poetry Point balance: 0